Is It Ever OK to Gossip?

After gym class, your best friend tells you something surprising: Your classmate Kayla—who never gets in trouble—got suspended from her travel soccer team for fighting. You truly can’t believe it, which is why you casually mention it to another friend as you both walk into lunch. You share a moment of shock, then move on with your life. 

Until the next day on the bus. 

Kayla looks forlorn as people around her whisper. Clearly, everyone knows. Suddenly, you feel guilty. You didn’t mean to hurt anyone, and now you wish you had never repeated what you heard.

Chances are, you’ve been in a situation like this before. That’s because everyone gossips sometimes. It happens everywhere—in the halls, in your group chat, in the cafeteria. Why? Psychologists say it’s human nature to want to talk and learn about each other. We share information that we hear to bond, connect, and fit in.

Sometimes gossip is harmless. Other times, gossip can lead to hurt feelings and drama. A big reason is that gossip is not always true. In fact, by definition, gossip is information that has not been confirmed. This means gossiping can lead to the spread of untrue and potentially damaging rumors. 

So how can you tell when it’s OK to share something—and when it would be better to keep it to yourself?

Whether gossip is harmless or hurtful depends on the situation, explains Phyllis Fagell, a middle school counselor and author of Middle School Matters.

If gossip comes from a place of kindness or concern, explains Fagell, it can be innocuous—and even beneficial. Sharing something positive or compassionate, such as, “Did you hear she got an A? Guess all that studying paid off!” or “They haven’t been at lunch lately. Should we check in?” is generally not going to hurt anyone. This kind of “prosocial gossip,” as Fagell calls it, helps spread positive information, makes people feel proud, and encourages others to support one another.

On the other hand, if gossip is negative, is rooted in jealousy or judgment, or is about something clearly private, explains Fagell, it can cause damage. Snickering about someone’s outfit, whispering about classmates who are mad at each other, discussing a friend whose parent just lost a job—this kind of gossip (even if true!) can embarrass or hurt someone, break trust, and harm friendships.

So what should you do when you hear something and you’re not sure if you should share it?

Fagell suggests taking a “gut check” to help you determine why you want to share the info—and whether doing so could cause harm. Ask yourself: Am I trying to help, or am I just venting? Would I feel OK if this got back to the person? How would I feel if I were in their position? 

If you’d be upset if you were in the other person’s shoes or if the information got back to them, it’s probably best not to discuss it. And if you’re angry and venting, you’re likely not sharing for the right reason. 

When you’re upset about something someone did, try talking to that person instead of about them, Fagell suggests. And if the gossip is serious, or if you do just need to vent, you can talk about it. But confide in the right person. Ideally, this would be a trusted adult—not a group chat or a public post. 

And know that you don’t have to participate when people are gossiping. You can say nothing, walk away, or change the subject. Being direct but respectful works too, says Fagell: “I don’t like to gossip. Let’s talk about something else.”

When you make careful decisions about what you share, you’re building trust with others. Choosing to not spread harmful gossip doesn’t make you boring, it makes you someone people can count on.

And that’s a reputation worth having.

^{This article was originally published in the December 2025/January 2026 issue.}