Do Manners Matter?

Manners are a set of guidelines for how people should treat each other and behave in social situations, and they have been around since the dawn of civilization. One of the first books ever written was a handbook on proper conduct. It was written in ancient Egypt 4,000 years ago.

Many early rules of etiquette might seem odd to us now. In 13th-century England, for example, good manners meant never using your knife as a toothpick. In 16th-century Holland, if you passed gas, it was considered polite to cover the sound with a cough. In 18th-century America, well-mannered people never warmed their feet by the fireplace, especially when food was being cooked there.

Over the centuries, what is considered socially correct has evolved. And etiquette rules vary across cultures too. In Japan, for example, it’s rude to leave a tip at a restaurant; in the U.S., not tipping your server is frowned upon.

No matter the time or place, though, manners have the same purpose: to show respect and consideration for others.

According to Alex J. Packer, author of How Rude!, an etiquette guide for teens, “Good manners make other people feel good—they put people at ease.” In other words, whether you’re giving up your bus seat for an elderly person or simply saying “please” when you ask for something, manners can make the world a more pleasant place for everyone.

The fact is, most people are not deliberately rude—they’re just oblivious. That dad whose phone buzzed during your piano recital didn’t mean to disturb everyone around him; he just forgot to switch off his phone. That kid at the library didn’t realize her headphones were emitting a distracting thumping; she was just rocking out to Olivia Rodrigo.

Ultimately, manners are about being aware of those around you and understanding how your behavior affects them. So even if you don’t know or follow all the old-school rules of etiquette, treating people with kindness and respect is what really matters.

Hopefully, the desire to be considerate of others is all the incentive we need. But if you’re looking for one more reason to be polite, consider this: Good manners—whether it’s holding the door for someone or offering to help clear the table after dinner at a friend’s house—can put you ahead in life.

“There is tons of research showing that teens who exhibit traits synonymous with good manners, like kindness and empathy, are more likely to become confident, successful adults,” says Packer.

So go ahead and be the one who doesn’t bring your phone to the table or who says “thank you” when someone passes the spaghetti. You’ll be doing your part to make the world a happier, kinder, and more peaceful place.